The Fatman & the Church


I am playing a game with my brother. A huge fat giant joins in. He is obsessed by how huge he is. He uses his size to bully people.
We let him join the game, having been brought up well. It’s a virtual reality game. We are three characters on a quest to kill a harpy queen, with sacred daggers hung around our necks.
Harpie Queen

Harpie Queen, she didn’t look like this!

The giant isn’t happy with his smaller body, and keeps getting us into trouble, by picking fights with much bigger, and stronger characters.
He doesn’t understand teamwork.
I am in a church with some friends. I am skeptical, but open minded. Before the service starts, I am watching a documentary about escorts on Channel 4 on my iPhone 5. The woman sat next to me was in this documentary. She wants me to watch it, so I don’t judge her.
The service starts. An old man sits next to me on our pew. He is too close. I tell him to move, there’s lots of space.
The pastor gets the children to the front, to welcome any newcomers such as myself. Children come over to our pew, carrying large pieces of card, illustrating their beliefs. One image explains how good books make you feel good, and bad books have the opposite effect. I accept this based on my own experiential evidence. One of the children tells me how all religions should live in peace. She says she has met Mohammed, and he is like an uncle to her. I am skeptical. I explain how long he has been dead for. I ask her, “did you really meet him, the way you have met me?” She giggles and says no. I explain that she is lying then, and that lying is a bad thing. I peruse the card. I announce that I am the skeptical one.
I feel something in my pocket. The old man is trying to steal my iPhone 5. I grab it and tell him to fuck off. He tries to be friendly, like it was a mistake. I tell him to move before I kick his balls out of his mouth.
I’ve had enough of this cultish weirdness. I stand up and leave, the church people try to get me to stay, as my friends are staying. They are all beautiful, and dressed like the people in adverts. I push past them, and try to find my bearings. I’m paranoid someone will steal my phone, so I hide in a corner trying to load google maps.  I have 9% battery left from watching the Escort documentary.
Looking up, I realise the church is in a train station, at the end of the line. I walk up steps and enter on the second floor, with some other guys. They are going to the gym. I turn round and lower myself down carpeted layers of sleeping people. At the bottom I can see a ticket office. I set off to get a train back to Exeter.
On the way I stop to say hello to two dogs, they look foxlike, or like the ancestors of the fox, with thin, pointy faces.
I am happy at how friendly they are.

✞☦☨☤☪☫⚛☯☸䷚

 

 

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